presence
As special as today is for you, as special it is for me.Happy 21st birthday. I can’t perceive how broken our friendship that makes me only being brave enough to say everything right here.
You were always there for me through both the good times and the bad.
You were always there to laugh with, or to help me when I'm sad.
Down at the mall even though we had no money.
Laughing at anything and everything, yet none of it was funny.
Walking around the block, or watching movies all day,
We never really ran out of things to say.
We howled at the full moons, would spin at parks until we were sick,
Helping each other through both thin and thick.
No longer can we stay up late, talking all night long,
Trying to figure out, how things can go so wrong.
Why do two of the best friends you'll ever know,
Have to be split up, because one is forced to let go?
If you ever need to talk, then just pick up the phone,
I know right now you feel it, but you're definitely not alone.
Although you may be feeling, somewhat out of touch,
Never forget that I love you very much.
And here it is, 2 songs for you, as a birthday gift from me. Download these:
Brandi Carlile – The Story and Wicked – For Good
Missing your cracked laugh, missing your crooked smile, missing your sincere voice.
Your very stupid,
din
Labels: happy birthday
Juxtaposition
Finally I managed myself to drag an post. Well, I miss blogging.
Right, I know you were just suddenly clicking my blog address and here you go, I have posted new posts. ini blog makin lama makin bapuk kalo makin dibiarin aja. and I am not going to let that happen. so let us! (:
So, what have I been up to?
I'll start by saying, I am in semester 3 already! whoots! I know right? thanks to my brain and heart that were able to cooperate with each other to do short semester (read: semester 2). *pfft*, I would lie if I say I was not tempted to have 3-months holidays just like some of my friends had. so of course, when they came back, their faces were brighter than those who had short semester (read: me!). I only had 2 weeks holidays where I spent the time in Singapore!
2-week story short, I had the time of my life (:
There was, of course, the biggest information I got from my previous school.
and that has haunted me pretty well. it has literally given me an impact towards my future.
huge blow.
and I got to know a new roommate. boo yeah! her name's Nadia. a new law student. apparently, I don't know how to describe her. but one thing I can say.. she is different.
by the way, I tried applying US visa for my December trip too. ahey! and man it was tough. got to be there around 9 and when I reached, they asked for a photo which they did not mention to bring! groar! ended up having to rush to make one and yes, the photo was undeniably bad. it was like you-were-just-about-to-wake-up-in-the-morning-then-someone-took-your-picture kind of photo. freaking ugly. bleah.
but the interview went great. I got to be asked things like "why do you want to go to USA?","who are you going with?", "have you ever been to USA before?", "who's your daddy?".. right, the last one is Barney's. out of the equation.
just left with my sisters in Singapore. and their schedule is on October 3rd. meh.
anyways, hari-hari kuliah di UPH makin sibuk. assignments start piling up as time passes. and we got this 10-day holidays of the Muslims. but right after that, ergh, I don't even want to think about it right now.
but I have seriously been thinking hard of getting into International Class. so what if there is only few people, so what if it is harder to get good grades. this is my standard, well it is supposedly.
AND last but not least! my commitment in moot courting! we'll see if this helps me in any ways of studying law (:
ps. if anyone ever wonder why the title? it's simply because it is now "the state of being close together or side by side". People have been asking, "so you and him?" and I could only smile and say, "yeah."
pps. Perth (:
Never give up on the things you want the most. As long as you keep a positive attitude you can make anything happen in your life.
MERDEKA!
I just found this article from the Jakarta Post Newspaper today. and yes, I found it very nicely written, so here I am reposting it in my blog :)
Happy birthday Indonesia!
Happy 66th birthday, Indonesia! I never thought much about my country when I lived there, but now that I am an expat living in England, I have to say that I am proud of Indonesia.
“Distance not only gives nostalgia, but perspective and maybe objectivity,” wrote commander of the B-17 Flying Fortress Memphis Belle Robert Morgan during World War II. This is what I feel now — 7,336 miles away and a few years after leaving my birth place.
England today has just woken up from a nightmare quite similar to Indonesia’s in 1998. Although Manchester is not as badly affected as Jakarta in 1998, the sense of crisis is identical.
There is the shock and the anger — both over the criminals who did this to the city as well as to the government for allowing the poor to become poorer and the rich to get away with corruption. And then there’s the blame game.
After the riot, what we saw in the media are all big wig politicians blaming everyone but themselves — from single mothers, the police force, the underclass to the previous government.
But there is another thing that feels the same — the good side of human nature. Just like hundreds of human right activists in Jakarta picking up the pieces of humanity left by rioters in Glodok, Klender and Tanjung Priok, hundreds of volunteers in London, Manchester, Birmingham and Liverpool turned up the next day with their brooms and bin bags picking up broken glasses and a broken sense of humanity.
On Sunday after the riots, a peace gathering took place in Birmingham. A father who lost his son during the riot spoke of peace and community spirit. There were no words of hate from the grieving Tariq Jahan.
In democracy and civil society life, Indonesia is still a teenager, growing and learning each day. Whilst in the UK, where democracy was born, the country of Magna Carta and John Locke, people feel that democracy is dying.
When the elected government allow wealthy criminals to avoid taxes, member of parliaments to claim expenses for ornamental gardens and media tycoons to gain power over politicians, it comes as no surprise that the underclass suddenly had the urge to help themselves to flat screen televisions, clothes and even food.
Both the upper-class and the underclass committed crimes. But the sense of justice here in England 2011 feels exactly the same as in Indonesia during my childhood — a poor Joe nobody who stole his neighbour’s chicken got beaten up in the police station while Mr. Big Wig businessmen who stole millions in public money got away with their crimes.
I guess there is a standard recipe for social disaster. Just like baking a chocolate cake — it can have thousands of different varieties, ingredients and methods.
The main ingredients stay the same. Take economic inequality as the flour, social injustice as eggs and the marginalized part of society and small number of criminals as butter. Mix them with different types of government policy as the different type of chocolates — it could be powdered chocolate like authoritarianism, or a melted chocolate block as cuts to education, libraries, police and social service budgets.
Blend all the ingredients, put them in the oven for some period of time, then choose any icing you like — people’s protest that ended in the death of innocent students, or a man shot dead by the police. Voila! You have your cake of social disaster.
Living in England today, I do not see the difference between “first world” and “third world” or “developed country” and “developing country”. I really cannot see any reason why Indonesia should feel inferior to the developed or “first world” countries.
Indonesians have a sense of nationality. Yes, we have had our moments of embarrassment, when we had to admit that it is us Indonesians who invaded Timor Leste and violated human rights in Aceh and Papua. We have had our dark moments when terrorists bred on our doorstep shattered Bali and Jakarta, targeting foreigners.
And yes, poverty is still a huge elephant in the room. Huge regions of our beautiful rain forests are disappearing and being converted into palm oil plantations owned by multinational corporations.
Still, I think Indonesia is not doing so badly. In fact, Indonesia is doing very well, being only a teenager in democracy.
See the quick statistics. With a population of almost 250 million, Indonesia’s literacy rate is 90 percent. What I see in Indonesia is that every parent wants their children to go to university and reach the stars.
The majority of Indonesians are working hard to make sure that their children have better lives — even those living in cardboard makeshifts are working hard scavenging, selling food and drinks, pedalling becak (and running away from Jakarta’s authorities).
Even without a comprehensive benefit system, the poor Indonesians are able to live by helping each other. Helping each other, gotong-royong, is a beautiful concept that I hope will stay alive in all Indonesian hearts.
In hindsight, I now remember the Pancasila Moral Education from my school days. I hated it then, had all the excuses I could find to skip the classes and doodled during the 100 hour Pancasila lecture at university. I know in practice it is all difficult and far from perfect, but Indonesia does have a philosophy to cherish.
It was a very good reminder when US President Barack Obama mentioned Bhinneka Tunggal Ika, unity in diversity, on his visit. Indonesians are so diverse, yet we can all live together in peace if we still believe. Long before equality and diversity became a political norm in the Western world, Indonesia had practised this in everyday life.
The Indonesian Constitution states in article 33 that all major means of production are to be controlled by the state. It means that no multinational companies should take over water, gas and electricity so that the poorest of the poor could still have access to these. I hope Indonesia will stick to this principle.
Democracy as a relatively new concept in Indonesia is actively being discussed in universities, schools and independent study groups. Local and national NGOs thrive in assisting small businesses, educating people about the meaning of democracy and fighting corruption.
Yes, corruption, collusion and nepotism still exist in Indonesia. But they also exist in the UK today — the MP’s expenses scandal, the collusion and nepotism surrounding Rupert Murdoch and so many big wig politicians.
The three modern sins are the common enemy from within that both the developed and developing countries should be aware of and keep on fighting against.
There are many more points to praise Indonesia, but I shall end this with a hope that the country of over 13,000 islands, 300 ethnic groups and 700 different languages and dialects will preserve its native wisdom of Bhinneka Tunggal Ika.
I hope that the young teenager in democracy will mature to become one of the wisest nations in the world, that the people will say no to the consumerist greed from the West and instead learn from the wisdom of its native tribes.
Merdeka Indonesia!
The writer is a freelance journalist and alumni of Driyarkara Institute of Philosophy, Jakarta
take care of my heart, love
아무렇지 않은듯 눈을 돌려도
Even if I look away as if nothing happened
뛰는 심장은 감출 수가 없나봐요
I cannot hide my beating heart
그러면 안된다며 가슴에게 다짐하고 애원해봐도 그리움에 가려요..
Even if I promise and plead to my heart that I cannot be like this, my heart is still shadowed by yearning
아니라고 자꾸만 되뇌어보아도
Even if I repeat to myself no
마음은 아직 그대라고 말하네요
My heart still says you are the one
시간이 바래듯 추억들도 하나둘씩 다 사라져 갈지 괜한 걱정일까요..
Like time fades away I'm worried that the memories will one by one fade away
사랑은 흩어져 버린 건가요
Is love all shattered away?
너무 작아서 다 죽지도 못할만큼,
I call out your name alone,
혼자서 그 이름 불러보지만 그대 여전히 대답은 없겠죠..
but still you would not answer me
가끔씩은 그대도 날 바라볼까요
Will you look at me now and then?
행복에 젖었던 어제들은 한웅큼씩 사라져만 가요
The past drenched with happiness is slowly vanishing
그대도 날 생각할까요
Will you still think of me?
수줍던 입가에 미소로 다시 나를 부를 날이 오길..
l still hope the days that you call my name with your shy lips can come again
조금은 어색해도 그댈 보아요
Even it is awkward, I still look at you
그대와 있는 이순간에 감사해요
I thank for this moment to be with you
어쩌면 한번쯤은 돌아보길 그려보며 두눈을 감아 그저 웃어 보아요..
I draw in my mind that I will reminisce this day once, and close my eyes and smile
사랑은 흩어져 버린 건가요
Is love all shattered away?
너무 작아서 다 죽지도 못할만큼
I call out your name alone
혼자서 그 이름 불러보지만 그대 여전히 대답은 없겠죠..
but still you would not answer me
가끔씩은 그대도 날 바라볼까요
Will you look at me now and then?
행복에 젖었던 어제들은 한웅큼씩 사라져만 가요
The past drenched with happiness is slowly vanishing
그대도 날 생각할까요
Will you still think of me?
수줍던 입가에 미소로 다시 나를 부를 날이 오길..
I still hope the days that you call my name with your shy lips will come again
우리에게 사랑이 남아있을까요
Will there be any love left for us?
혹시나 그대가 잊더라도 내안에 모두 남겨둘께요
Even if you forget, I will keep it in my heart
그대도 날 생각할까요
Will you think of me?
아름다운 그대 미소로 다시 나를 부를 날이 오길…
I hope the days that you call my name with your smile will come again
Labels: miss.
FUNNY HOKKIEN STORY!
to those who can read this, LOL!
1. Read the passage carefully
2. Grade yourself with the grading system at the end of the passage after reading.
3. Not that difficult, chin chai do lah !
Section A: Orrler Exeminetion (60 marks)
Question: Singalella why become rich ?
Koo zhar wu chee ay char bor kia, Singalella.
She got two sisters, but the stepmarder and the sisters all damn kuai-lan, so she quite zhia-lat oso.
Last time Singalella got own maid, but now she become the amah.
Everyday must cook lah, clean lah, simi sai mah bao-kah-liao.
If her sister say liak kar zhuak, she liak.
Tak jit zho kah tau-hin. EPF poon boh.
But then, kay piak eh ah-pek got one son call Ah Ming got party.
So he say, 'oeh, long chong lai ah.'
Singalella very happy because she never go party before but then her step-marder say,
'Lee Mana eh-sai kee, this one bahru lu eh sisters wu standard.'
Then Singalella must zho sui-sui for her sisters and step-marder.
Tap pai how, buay zhia, buay koon and buay pang-sai.
That night she only can wave bye bye and then she go back to the kitchen and cook Maggi mee.
Her neighbour came over and ask, 'Eh, an-zhua lu boh kee party?'
So Singaalella kong,
'I-wan, lau-bu kong buay-sai, so boh pian.' She never expect but the neighbour say,
'Aiyah, kee lah, I give you money.' So singalella brus
h teef and zhang-zhui, chen-kor, after that look very different.
She quickly run to opposite of the beh-chia-lor, already 11 o'clock.
At the party, Ah Ming also quite sian because the char bor all boh sui one.
Dance floor even got one ah pek dancing. Just as Ah Ming told himself,
'Aiyah see-pay zhia-lat', Singalella came in. Ah Ming straight away lau nuar. '
Wah-lau eh, see-pay heng ah, chee kor buay pai.'
Ah Ming say to Singalella, 'eh, sui eh, wah ai kah lee zho flen!'
Singalella say ok but Ah Ming like octopus, touch here touch there.
But then just it was 12 o'clock, one ah pek die on the dance floor.
He become ghost and tell Singalella all the good 4D number.
So after that Singalella quickly go and buy 4D, and then tiok tau-pio, zhit-pak ban.
So she pay back the kay-piak eh lau-kay-poh and then kah kee cho sen-lee.
Simi kuan eh sen-lee wah mana eh zhai.
Section B: Grades - Gauge Your command of Hokkien....
A1. Can understand the story and pronounce Hokkien correctly.
Hokkien eh sai, bo beh zao.
A2. Can understand half story and/or cannot pronounce Hokkien properly.
zhia lat
E8. Don't understand story and/or catch no ball.
leow leow, mai ka lang kong you is Hokkien Singabolean
F9. Don't understand rating.
kee see lah, wah mana eh zhai lee kong simi?
rants and agony
this post goes for YOU. don’t look around who, you know who you are.
I am angry. DAMN mad that I can hardly be able to control myself to type and share this. I have been forcing myself not to but this is getting too painful for my heart, too much burden that I feel like losing all of them here. too rude, too harsh, too unforgiveable that I feel like, I don’t know, KILLING someone..???!! well, not until that, that would make me a freak but anyway, I am so mad that I would scream out loud if this blog is all about speaking, not typing.
but oh well, since it only goes for typing, what can I say?
alright, let’s get to the point(s).
first, yes, I am so mad at you. you know why? because you have been treating me like a real CRAP. no, not crap, SHIT would be a better word. what am I to you? am I like a passer-by that was just there when you need me and when you don’t need me you just ditch me like that? hell yeah we are moving on, hell yeah if you are going out with other people. I just question this, WHAT AM I TO YOU?
second, I am moving on. you are moving on, like what I said above. now, WHY THE HELL are YOU still contacting me for like.. especially.. ON MY BIRTHDAY? much more, APOLOGISING? like RIGHT NOW? like JUST RIGHT NOW? you know how my heart works. you know me that well, there is no need for me to tell. you were someone THAT important and to me you had been so special. but just.. WHY IS IT THAT YOU ARE APOLOGISING JUST ON MY BIRTHDAY? we talked, we laughed. well, yeah, I miss that, I do. and now, we stop talking again. so the question is, are we only worth talking JUST for the sake of MY BIRTHDAY?
third, now that we are no longer having my-birthday mode, are you just gonna stand there and ignore me like before? just WATCH ME BURN in FLAMES again? I thought you have apologized? why the hell are you doing that again?
are you taking me for granted? are you the kind that goes around and comes around when you feel like? what are you treating my heart as? what is my heart to you?
do you wanna know how angry I am? I am so angry that those tweets of anger or disappointments I made, are ALL going to YOU. ALL those retweets ALL those favourites I have, my feelings are ALL inside when I do those retweets or favourites.
no, seriously, don’t you know why am I so angry in the first place? don’t you know? YOU ARE THAT CHILDISH STUPID MORON that just IGNORES WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IGNORING. you TWEET like nobody’s reading, like I AM NOT READING. and remember those tweets you wrote especially 2-3 months ago? I cried in AGONY, EVERY NIGHT, EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. and the most painful thing is, YOU DID THAT EVERY SINGLE DAY! why is it that you have to expose it that way? you could just stay and leave it to yourself, there is no need to SHOW and TELL, or getting a YELL YELL here and there just for the sake of your heart’s happiness? sure, yes, of course, if you are thinking that I could just unfollow you? do you think it would be that easy?
well, I’ll tell you this honestly, I have been muting you for the last 3 months. and yes, it feels better, for my mind, for my soul, for my heart. much much more far better.
I miss the old you, I do. the old you understand that I was in pain, that all you have done was terrible mistakes. and the old you would just be there to tell me to stand strong, and I would accept it whole-heartedly. I thought we were best friends, but I reconsider this fact, and no, we were not. we are not even friends, because to me you had been stabbing my back and friends don’t do that.
this is not bashing, this is a scar that has been hidden for so long, it starts bleeding out. I have been crying since I started typing that title “rants and agony” up there, you. it is just too hard, to let go, to watch those sweet words, to move on alone. it was never easy from the start.
now let’s get to the sensitive part. I seriously don’t know how you are doing now. I have been muting you in twitter for 3 months for now, and seriously, I really don’t do that peeking or anything, like I used to, I swear. so, yeah, I don’t know any single thing about you right now. but whatever you are doing and wherever you are, my blessings will always be with you. I have been so stupid, I know. I have been treating you like a shit too, to me, you are treating me much more painful that what I have done to you. and for that, I really wish you can ask for forgiveness.
and truly I am sorry if this post is hurting you in any ways.
every memories we had feels just like yesterday happening. I do recall everything we shared, every pictures we took, every fights we had. there were good and bad times, and we all shared them together. everything TOGETHER. everything we had was real and I don’t know how the hell I have been able to live without you for the past few months.
I do miss you. I can’t deny this fact. there has been NO days I have gone through that I don’t think about you. do you miss me too? do you skip a beat whenever my name crosses your mind? no, actually, has my name even ever crossed your mind? I really wanna know. because I am so frustrated with your attitude, because I am so sick with our craps lingering around us, and especially because of the fact that I still do care and pray for you.
Labels: agony, hurt, long post, pains
swell.
a question, what would you do if you are in this situation?
"I had a friend. She’s a year older than me. Before she graduated she told me that “we should be like this even though i’m gonna go to high school.” we were really close then, I was the first one to know about her secret and she was the first one to know about mine. Imagine that? and well we’d always text/call everyday. When she had problems she’d go to me, when I’m troubled I just run to her and she just makes me smile, like all my problems just faded. we would gossip too about mostly EVERYTHING even the TOP SECRET stuff. Those were the good times. but we didn’t get to keep our promise. Our friendship isn’t even the same as before anymore. and of course I know the reason why. But I just find it really sad. Now when I have problems, I just keep it all to myself knowing that she’s too busy with her studies, her new friends, her new school.. her new life. I just feel so bad because I think I’m the only one missing what we had before. She was not a best friend, but she was more than that. She was more of like my sister, which hurt 20 times worse."
the question is, does she actually still want to be my friend?
source: one tumblr page i just passed by and read
dear you,
my heart has been swollen for the past 2 weeks. not only the problem lies in us, but my relationship with my parents is now like a crap, especially with mum. my life is really in a mess.
i don't want to go to Japan. i want to use that travel money for dad, for whenever time he needs in the old future days, he can spend. today, i got really pissed in them being so slow when i could just ask them to buy the foods and me staying home watching my shop. mum keeps blaming me for having a bad bad mood shown today. i was being told that i would get a karma someday. and it hurts my heart so bad it bleeds. i don't know what to do. dad has spent too much money already, why can't she understand that? for my study, for car and for the traveling trip..
2 weeks i have not been able to talk to you. not being able to because i have my private reason i just cannot tell. i miss you, i do. i wish i could cry on your shoulder and explain everything about my life. i know you are damn well happy, i just cannot ruin that of yours.
when will we stop this? when will we finally talk to each other? i know we both want to make up already. but we just can’t, i don’t know why. we can’t even look at each other anymore. i know you’re trying. well i did. JUST SO YOU KNOW, i did try. but you just replied with a cold shrug. from then on, i lost hope. but everyday i’ve been longing to talk to you. even just a simple “hello” but I still can’t do it.
i hope we won’t stay like this forever. i don’t wanna lose another friend. i don’t wanna lose you. or did i lose you already?
you just don’t know it but it really does hurt. every day when we’re avoiding each other, it leaves a deep mark to my chest. remember when you told me that i got you? that you always got my back? yeah, i’ve been through this crap before. and i don’t wanna go through it anymore.. especially with you. i don’t wanna lose anyone right now, especially i don’t wanna lose you.
i hope you realise, the silence is killing me so bad. it really is.
and for your information, this is how my face looks like for the past 13 days.
Labels: miss.
do you know?
Labels: YOU
MISS!
I remember
The way you glanced at me, yes I remember
I remember
When we caught a shooting star, yes I remember
I remember
All the things that we shared, and the promise we made, just you and I
I remember
All the laughter we shared, all the wishes we made, upon the roof at dawn
Do you remember?
When we were dancing in the rain in that december
And I remember
When my father thought you were a burglar
I remember
All the things that we shared, and the promise we made, just you and I
I remember
All the laughter we shared, all the wishes we made, upon the roof at dawn
I remember
The way you read your books,
yes I remember
The way you tied your shoes,
yes I remember
The cake you loved the most,
yes I remember
The way you drank you coffee,
I remember
The way you glanced at me, yes I remember
When we caught a shooting star,
yes I remember
When we were dancing in the rain in that december
And the way you smile at me,
yes I remember
I MISS YOU FREAKING BADLY! someday i will let you know that i am not doing this on purpose. i have my reasons, and i hate having those reasons.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Labels: crying inside, YOU
one day.
Your back figure as you left
I can’t forget it
Because I cherished you
‘Time will fix it all’
Was the support from my friends
But it is too less to bury you
In between the continuous trips
The thing that finds me again
It is your voice carried by the wind
Can you forget?
Day by day
The day that you aren’t here
Becomes a memory like yesterday
It burdens me so much
One day just for only one day
If only my hand can wipe your tears
Then I will tell you
My everything
The past memories I can’t forget
It hides the past nights
When the heartless times stops
On top of the promise I couldn’t keep
Is the dust that settled on top
Secretly, I clean it off with my tears
In between the large population
I’m looking for you again
My voice saying that I love you
Can you forget it?
Day by day
The day that you aren’t here
Becomes a memory like yesterday
It burdens me so much
One day just for only one day
If only my hand can wipe your tears
Then I will tell you
My everything
In the split road of my destiny
Even if they say it is a shattered dream
I wish I can bring you back again
One day just for only one day
If I can get to see you
If this aged prayer can bring you back
What I couldn’t say
The words I couldn’t say that was deep inside my heart
Then I will tell you
I love you
One day just for only one day
If only my hand can wipe your tears
Then I will tell you
You are my everything
Please receive my last courage
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Labels: imysm
